坚持通常被视作一种主要力量。某些时候，坚持是一件好事，比如锻炼（积极地锻炼），某些时候，优雅地放弃一些重要的东西同样也是明智之举。因为何时应该坚持不懈，何时应该选择放弃是 一个很难的课题，所以我们咨询了生活和职业导师Lea Berry。向下翻，看她提供的有用的贴士，看看什么时候该放弃一份工作或结束一段关系。
Perseverance is often seen as a sign of major strength. But while staying the course is definitely a good idea in situations where you're still working things out (like getting motivated to exercise), there are times when gracefully bowing out on something important can be a smart and sanity-saving move. Since it's ultra tough to tell when to hold 'em from when to fold 'em, we consulted life and career coach Lea Berry. Scroll on for her helpful tips on when it's time to quit your job and your relationship！

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什么时候应该放弃一份工作 

WHEN TO QUIT YOUR JOB

1. 没有晋升机会 No room for advancement

谈到工作，Berry提醒我们个人和专业的成长才是最本质、最重要的东西。“如果你的工作到了一定位置，且看不见上升空间，那么辞职是最好的选择。”她说放弃一份没有前景的工作可以帮助你发现新的机遇并提高你的技能、责任心和满足感。“在一个小职位上呆的时间越长，你的不满及厌倦的情绪越高涨，最终将导致幸福指数不断下降。
"When it comes to work, Berry reminds us that personal and professional growth is the name of the game. “If you're in a niche job area, and you aren't seeing anywhere you can move up to, quitting may be your best option.” She says that leaving a stand-still job can help you uncover the types of opportunities that'll improve your skills, responsibilities, and overall satisfaction. “The longer you stay in a position at the exact same level, the more you risk letting resentment and boredom set in — which ultimately lead to increased feelings of unhappiness.”

 

2. 你学不到东西 You're Not Learning

Berry 建议道，“当你的工作已经不能给你带来兴奋感或者挑战的时候，你真的需要换个地方了，因为你已经没用武之地或者已经学习不到新的东西了。”如果你所在公司不能给你提供学习机会，那就更糟糕了，这意味着你的同事同样也失去了兴奋感，而且不再追求培训、机遇或持续学习的动机。“如果你能报销学费或者有学习津贴，那就考虑一下一些网络公开课，比如Allison, MIT的公开课，” Berry建议道，“如果没有这些条件，那就应该考虑一下找一个能给你提供这些条件的雇主了。"
“You're really ready to move on when you don't feel a sense of excitement or the challenge of your work because you're not using your skills or developing any new ones,” Berry advises. The situation is worse if the company you work for fails to offer learning opportunities across the stack, which might mean that your colleagues also suffer from a loss of excitement and stop advocating for classes, opportunities, or programs that foster a continued sense of learning. “If you have a tuition reimbursement or learning stipend, look into taking it upon yourself to try online lessons from Coursera, Allison, MIT Open Share, or others,” Berry suggests. “If nothing is offered to you, consider that it might be time to look for an employer that offers something new.”

 

3. 被困环境有毒 Trapped in a Toxic Environment
不健康的工作环境，包括让你没有安全感的办公室，或者企业文化让你产生倦怠的感觉，甚至公司有时支付不起你的薪水。不管是什么让你的工作环境不健康，坚持下去不仅会带来情绪上的损失，而且还会消耗精力，你需要找到一个真正适合你的职业环境。“如果晚上你觉得工作太累，累得连网都不上了，那你应该好好在简历上下功夫，或者只要你觉得需要换一份新工作，就马上行动起来，你的日常工作实际上是在给你一个新的机会” Berry解释道，“如果不在简历上下功夫，你就会被迫熬夜工作甚至周末加班，这会增加你更多的潜在压力。”打破这种恶性循环就需要你尽可能多地缩减工作，同时找到空间来完成你需要的工作。
Unhealthy workplaces can include offices where you don't feel emotionally safe, cultures that create burnout, and even bootstrapped companies that sometimes can't afford to pay you. Regardless of what makes your workplace unhealthy, sticking around not only takes an emotional toll but can also suck up energy you need to find a professional situation that really works for you. “If you feel like you're too tired at night to network, work on your resume, or look for a new job once you’ve realized you need to, then your day job is actually costing you a new opportunity in a big way,” Berry explains. “Without the space to focus on your resume, you'll be forced to constantly stay up late at night or spend the weekends working, which adds even more strain on your potential productivity.” To break the cycle, she says to scale back the job as much as you can while finding space to work on what you need to.

 

何时该放弃一段感情

WHEN TO QUIT A RELATIONSHIP

1. 给自己设定底线 Enforcing Your Boundaries: 

所有类型的关系都需要付诸大量的关心，周到的照顾和辛勤工作。Berry跟我们说：“无论你是离开一个重要的伴侣，或是对一个老朋友说再见，亦或是与你的母亲意见相左，你都需要尊重自己的底线。”她继续解释说很多时候我们都在隐忍，因为我们相信通过自己的不断让步可以让别人觉得舒服：“但实际上，首先需要尊重的是自己，当别人越界的时候能得到认可才更有用。如果那个人继续挑战你的底线，那在这段关系中，至少还有一个人尊重你，支持你。”非常有道理哦！
Relationships of all types require tons of consideration, attentive care, and hard work. Berry tells us, “Whether you're leaving your significant other, saying sayonara to an old friend, or putting your foot down with your mom, you need to respect your own boundaries when it comes to relationships.” She went on to explain that most of us tolerate not feeling good sometimes because we believe that we need to give in to others in order to feel better about who we are: “What actually works with greater success is when you focus on respecting yourself first and can acknowledge when someone has crossed a line. If that person continues to walk all over you, then there's still at least one person in that relationship who respects you and will stand up for you.” Right on!

 

2. 尊重你自己的原则 Respecting Your Principles: 

看看你的个人价值观及你喜欢如何对待别人，” Berry建议道，“如果一段关系中的其他人不尊重你、认可你且不顾及你的感受并继续伤害你，那就是时候放弃这段关系了。”她提醒我们，如果你周围的人都由衷地支持你，那你的世界将会完全不同，会由衷地觉得快乐。“放弃一段关系会对你的健康和幸福都造成影响，因为你可以选择自己的人生故事——既尊重了自己，也得到了周围人的尊重。”
“Look at your list of personal values and how you like to treat others,” Berry suggests. “If the other person in a friendship or relationship doesn't honor, acknowledge, and validate your feelings and values and continues to hurt you, it may be time to quit it.” She reminds us that surrounding yourself with people who support you makes a world of a difference when it comes to feeling truly happy. “Quitting a relationship can impact your overall health and happiness because it allows you to actively choose your own story — one in which you opt to honor yourself and to be around people who do the same.”

 

3. 抓住一个靠得住的人 Holding Someone Accountable: 

如果你让你爱的人远离那些对你有负面影响的行为，你肯定不会孤单。据Berry观察，“我们允许他人伤害我们是因为我们觉得没什么能改变他们，而我们又喜欢和他们亲近。”虽然放手很难，她说：“在这种伤害行为中，你肯定不是他/她带来负面经历的第一个人。”放手让一个人离开而无愧疚感是一件非常艰难的事情，但是Berry深信，坚持自己的原则绝对是一件对的事情，对你和他人都是健康的。“通过自己的行动表明你已经在人际关系和生活中提高了一个层次，你也会迎来这个层次的朋友。”要对自己的决定充满信心，要知道，结束一段关系是没问题的。
If you've let someone you love get away with actions that had a negative impact on you, you're definitely not alone. Berry observes, “We all allow others to hurt us because we think we can’t do anything to change them, and we want to keep them close to us.” Though it's hard to let go, she says, “Know that in a case of hurtful behavior, you're probably not the first to have a negative experience in a relationship with this person.” It can be super tough to let go of someone without feeling guilt, but Berry promises that sticking to your standards is a healthy thing to do — for you and for them. “Let your actions show that when you raise your standards for relationships and people in your life, you invite others to level up and join you.” Be confident in your decision, and know it really is okay to walk away.

 

 

你最近抛弃了什么？你想抛弃什么？请在下方的评论中告诉我们吧！

What did you recently quit? What do you want to quit? Tell us how it went in the comments below!

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> N&J

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